I don’t have time to blog much anymore since I’m still adjusting to all the work Emory gives to its students, but I was just talking about this with my old friend from Shanghai yesterday. I’d like to think this quote is true cause it would make losing a whole lot easier.
Four years ago, I was a freshmen in high school and I had this best guy friend –– Daniel. He was the first guy I was ever friends with and we lived next door. He made the two hours we had to spend on a bus every weekday to get to and from school fun. Before him, I had never known what it was like to really know a guy. I loved the kid on a different level. We spent our weekends hanging out in our compound and in the neighboring compound with his friend and my crush, Journ. Those first few months of 9th grade was something I prayed would never change. Journ kept me smiling, and Daniel kept me laughing so hard I’d start crying.
My old best friend used to tell me about all his girl problems. He would also tell me I was an amazing singer. He’s probably the only guy on this Earth who knows that I’m actually an amazing at making free throws in basketball because my basketball skills only show when I’m completely comfortable around the person I’m playing with. He was also the only one who could drag me to a basketball court in my preppy A&F and Hollister outfit and play one on one with me.
I mean I have a lot of guy friends now, closer than Daniel was in my opinion, but it was different. I didn’t know what I was doing with Daniel. I think I still miss him, or whoever he was.
In the winter, Journ moved away to Hong Kong. Daniel was afraid of how our friendship dynamic would change without Journ so he shut down on me. Why do 15 year old boys always shut down on people? When we stopped talking, I never got the closure I needed until a year later when he was drunk and talked to me. I’d like to think closure was all I needed, but closure wasn’t a happy ending. Closure is just something we settle with in place of a happy ending.
Now I’m a freshmen in college and I’ve found a friendship with my new next door neighbor. I see so many parallels between him and Daniel. Like Daniel, I didn’t think I’d end up being friends with him. Like Daniel, I’m completely fine wearing no make up or pigging out in front of him. Like Daniel, I love my best friend.
I think in life we get chances to fix what went wrong in a form of something else sometimes –– even if it wasn’t your fault. We’re given these chances because we need to learn to be okay with the past. I wouldn’t say I’m still not okay with everything that happened in 9th grade, but I’ve just never found my peace of mind.
I think I just found that friendship I lost with Daniel in another form.