Today, I finally opened my eyes and saw how strong I’ve grown. I’ve realized that I’m comfortable enough with myself to not be completely torn when a guy goes and does something that should break my heart. And that’s a big change for me. I think I’m really ready to leave home in a year, and turn out okay.

I don’t think any guy will ever break my heart like he did in sophomore year, and that’s just something wonderful to think about. Maybe it’s because I learned to not expect anything, maybe it’s cause I learned to expect the worse. Or maybe it’s because I’ve decide to live my life the way I want it and make it desirable in my eyes even if I don’t have a guy. I don’t need rebound or a line of guys waiting for me when something ends. I just need to wake up and start the next day like everything is new again.

So when you called me today and told me we need to talk. All I could think about was how hilarious you are, because I’ve been texting you that for over a week now, and here you are on a Saturday afternoon calling me telling me what I’ve told you about ten times already. I knew something was wrong, you were avoiding me. And you told me you didn’t want to lead me on and continue this thing we had, because you’re involved with someone else. And I’m sitting in my balcony surprised, because I didn’t expect anything from you, I didn’t think that you saw me as more than a friend, and I didn’t want to start anything with you. I’m not saying I didn’t like you, but you’re leaving in a month and I’m smarter than that. And I found myself explaining all that to you, and you told me who it was. Honestly I knew it already, because when you talked about her awhile ago, you had that look in your eyes. I knew you were still in love with her cause I know how love looks like.

Honestly, I was only happy to meet you because you were someone that I thought wouldn’t leave. I told you that I just wanted someone who wouldn’t leave, and you told me you wouldn’t. Broken promises, that’s the only thing that I’m a little hurt about. You live in the same building as me, and those long walks talking about life stories are still fun no matter what. Nowadays it’s so hard to find someone who will stay, and I guess I found out you’re not going to stay.