You just don’t end a book by telling me my OTP are brother and sister.
I think there’s a time after you break up where your love life is at a standstill. It’s like a draw in chess, or a pause in a movie. I don’t really know if everyone goes through this, but I think it’s healthy to do so.
There’s a time after breaking up where you’re over it, but you’re not ready to move on. It’s when you don’t have any feelings left for the old special someone, but you can’t really develop feelings for someone else –– almost like your ability to crush or like someone is taken away for a little bit because your heart is trying to tell you to take a break.
And I’m not afraid to admit it’s still hard thinking about Kiffa sometimes because the good and bad memories come back at the same time. When I think about the good memories, the bad memories always come in to remind me, “Stupid girl, the whole relationship was horrible, get over it.” And when I start listening to those bad memories, the good memories come back and remind me that it wasn’t all bad.
And that’s why I know I’m over it, but I can’t move on yet. I can think about all the good memories and be happy instead of bitter about them. I can separate the good memories from the bad memories, but they are still at World War 3 in my head.
My old habits I developed are only slowly fading, and it’s okay that I don’t forget fast. Out of habit, sometimes I’ll find myself leaving class when I’m bored to go to meet Kiffa, and then realizing I can’t do that anymore.
And that’s okay because I know I’m over it, but I’m still moving on. Like I’ve learned to separate the good memories from the bad memories, I’ve learned to separate being over someone from moving on. I can assure you I haven’t moved on yet, but I’m happy.